As you may or may not know, I have Asperger Syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder. Depression is a common comorbidity with Asperger Syndrome. ‘Comorbidity’ is medical talk for ‘some other damn thing that’s wrong with you.’ (Other comorbidities I have: high IQ, Star Trek fandom, and cats.)
The funny thing about me is that my first symptom of being depressed is that I don’t know that I’m depressed. I used to go to this good therapist, and he’d tell me when he thought I was depressed and I’d say, um, yeah, I have been thinking about death all the time lately, and I HAVE had flashes of thought about me hanging myself from the barn loft. (NOTE: I would never actually do anything suicidal, I am afraid of dying and going to hell. Many suicides don’t go to hell, but what if I suicided and wasn’t insane enough to be non-guilty? I’d have all of eternity to think about why suicide was a bad idea.)
In my writing life— being depressed doesn’t give me writer’s block or anything. I’m actively writing most days through the worse of it. But I’m not getting anywhere. I write a blog post in my Scrivener and don’t post it. I work on my WIP and write a new version of Chapter One every day. I get brilliant ideas for a new WIP to replace the old one, but don’t have the energy to even complete a first chapter or work on it a second day.
Another symptom is low energy. I need energy for a lot of things— I have to do my household stuff, cope with things I can’t cope with like human contact or government paperwork, I have to haul water buckets around, do dishes and laundry by hand, and fun stuff like that. I have to work on my blogging and my other writing. I have to try to interact with other humans even when those other humans don’t seem to want to. And I have to take my blood sugar and my ketone readings every day. And I can’t do that when I’m depressed. I have a mini-calendar to write down my blood sugar and such things in, and I haven’t done it for a few months until a couple days ago. (My blood sugar is still excellent, in the normal range— Keto really helps.)
When my depression is kind of bad, things flash into my brain like flinging my body against the nearest wall. I have no impulse to actually do it, but that’s my symptom.
I also think of sad things. When my mom was still alive and I’d call her, I’d think there were a limited number of times left that I’d be able to talk to her. It would pop into my head that I would now never be able to go to the places I once dreamed of going— the Great Lakes Shipwreck museum, Scotland, or Pitcairn Island.
Life looks more dystopian when you are depressed. Yeah, life is pretty dystopian these days whether you are depressed or not, but when you are depressed everything feels worse. Now, maybe if I had to call an ambulance they WOULDN’T slap a face-muzzle on my and demand I submit to a fake injection or get dumped off on the side of the road, but when I’m depressed I wouldn’t count on it.
Your depression experiences may be different from mine, and that’s OK. I’m kind of weird, anyway. But think about the possibility you are getting depressed sometimes. If you are, you will have to find a way to deal with it. Remember, seriously depressed writers may not be able to write well, and suicided writers can’t write at all. Don’t let your fictional characters down!
QUESTIONS: Have you experienced depression? What were/are your major symptoms? How did depression affect your writing? What helped you cope with depression?
~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~
Follow me!
MeWe (Primary Social Medium): https://mewe.com/i/nissaannakindt
Gab (free speech alternative): https://gab.com/nissalovescats
FaceBook/FaceBuchenwald: https://www.facebook.com/nissa.amas.katoj
Twitter (I hate Twitter.): https://twitter.com/nissalovescats
Defend Trad Marriage group: https://mewe.com/group/5bca1f9c73a3f14e7c8572e5
BOOKS: Where the Opium Cactus Grows (Poetry) : https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0557939135
Getting More Blog Traffic: Steps Towards a Happier Blogging Life: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086H4FQ4M
